We speak of 'love' as if it were a single, undifferentiated thing, but it comprises two very different modes: being loved and loving. We should marry when we are ready to do the latter and have become aware of our unnatural and dangerous fixation on the former.
(de Botton, A. The Course of Love. p. 222. United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland: Hamish Hamilton, 2016)
Thank you to Arvo Muñoz Morán, former student of mine, for giving me this book as a birthday gift. The Course of Love is not just a "love story", it is the telling of the experiences one will almost certainly live when one takes the decision of getting married. It is different from previous love stories that I have read because most of them end in the "happily ever after", whereas in this book "ever after" is the second part of the book, out of four.
What comes after one gets married, that is, the actual marriage, is not an easy thing to describe. Indeed only afterwards do the inconveniences of learning to live with someone else become a blatant reality. However this is not new, this we all knew without the need of reading any book. What was a novelty was that I got a glimpse at what other people might think when these arguments occur, a glimpse at what may be the likely causes of disputes, and what the other person might be thinking in those circumstances. Ultimately, I thought, learning how to be ready for marriage is similar to the process of growing up and becoming more mature. Like the process of transitioning from being a teenager to an adult.
When reading through very unpleasant episodes of Rabih and Kirsten's marriage, I could not help but ask myself: "Why would anyone want to go through these unpleasantries with the foreknowledge of them happening and of them being so ominous?" Then I remember the feeling. I hope that when the time comes I am a better person, more mature, and more understanding.
What comes after one gets married, that is, the actual marriage, is not an easy thing to describe. Indeed only afterwards do the inconveniences of learning to live with someone else become a blatant reality. However this is not new, this we all knew without the need of reading any book. What was a novelty was that I got a glimpse at what other people might think when these arguments occur, a glimpse at what may be the likely causes of disputes, and what the other person might be thinking in those circumstances. Ultimately, I thought, learning how to be ready for marriage is similar to the process of growing up and becoming more mature. Like the process of transitioning from being a teenager to an adult.
When reading through very unpleasant episodes of Rabih and Kirsten's marriage, I could not help but ask myself: "Why would anyone want to go through these unpleasantries with the foreknowledge of them happening and of them being so ominous?" Then I remember the feeling. I hope that when the time comes I am a better person, more mature, and more understanding.
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